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RADIO:Fake interview with Pete Wilson for 6-4-95, C. Denney
"Governor Wilson, we're just delighted to have you back again in the Free Radio studios! You were here, let's see, must be a couple months ago now when your campaign was kicking off and riding high on a wave of anti-immigrant sentiment..."
........... "The governor is smiling sadly, nostalgically, and pointing at his throat. Our listeners might recall that shortly after his campaign kick-off he developed some throat trouble, underwent surgery and hasn't been able to speak much since. Tell us, Governor Wilson, has this had any effect on your campaign?"
........ "Governor Wilson is crying silently, shoulders shaking with sobs, there there, Governor, can it really be that bad?"
................ "The Governor is nodding vigorously, indicating that it really is that bad, that he's dropping in the polls kind of like his opponent Kathleen Brown did in his glorious re-election campaign. Gee, Governor, it must be tough to campaign without a voice. How long before you can regale crowds with anti-immigrant rhetoric again? What does your surgeon say?"
............ "Hmmm, the Governor is showing us a picture of his surgeon stuck full of pins and needles...well, I guess we can surmise that you're losing prime fund-raising opportunities left and right and I'm sure it must be very frustrating for you. At least you still can take part in photo opportunities and I loved Thursday's anti-affirmative action shot with the Department of Forestry officials in the background. So you figure sticking it to women, minorities and immigrants is your ticket?"
............ "And your surgeon? Yes, of course, he's pointing to the photo of the doctor who performed his throat surgery. So, between your attack on affirmative action and your support for the so-called California Civil Rights Initiative, how would you respond to critics who describe what you're doing as making the world safe for white men?"
................... "He's nodding vigorously, touching his nose to indicate that that is correct. But Governor, what about people who have been systematically discriminated against?"
................. "He's turning out his pockets indicating that...he has no money?...no, no, I get it: they have no money, so attacking them can hardly hurt his campaign? He's touching his nose again indicating that that's what he means, that the groups who have been targeted for systematic discrimination don't have enough money to make a difference in an election...but Governor Wilson, supposing they all voted?"...........
"He's silently crying? No, he's laughing now, tears running down his cheeks at the very idea of all the groups affected by the elimination of affirmative action programs actually getting out and voting...I must say, Governor, I do see your point......."
"One last thing, Governor Wilson. Do you feel upstaged in any way by your opponent, Senator Bob Dole of Kansas, who used his photo opportunity this past week to dump on Hollywood and rap artists? I mean, if there's anything the American electorate hates more than unwed mothers, immigrants and minorities, it's Hollywood."
............. "He's laughing, free radio listeners...no, he's crying this time, he's sobbing uncontrollably, he's getting up and he's pounding the wall, he's coming completely apart and its not a pretty picture, free radio listeners, apparently he's taking Bob Dole's successful attack on the entertainment industry pretty hard, and clearly he's incapable of continuing our pantomime interview but...hey, we thank Governor Wilson for dropping by during the crisis in his plummeting popularity and we wish him the best in his effort to crucify the poor. It's a tough break, isn't it Stephen, him on the campaign trail and unable to say a word? Makes you wanna....cry.